Being Stuck With A Terrible Reputation

“If you argue your case with a neighbor,

do not betray another [person’s] confidence,

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or he [or she] who hears it may shame you

and you will never lose your bad reputation.” –Proverbs 25:9-10.

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The above proverb nails a particular situation. But getting stuck with a terrible reputation that’s just plain wrong is an altogether easy thing -- in fact, it’s too easy. People have such long memories. It’s a general rule in life that if we ever did something negative to someone, and worse still, memorable, it will take many months and even years to put right the incorrect perception people have developed. So, what to do?

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1. Fix it there and then!

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Here are more proverbs that hit this nail on its head:

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“if you have been trapped by what you said,

ensnared by the words of your mouth,

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then do this… to free yourself,

since you have fallen into your neighbor's hands:

Go and humble yourself;

press your plea with your neighbor!

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Allow no sleep to your eyes,

no slumber to your eyelids.

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Free yourself, like a gazelle from the hand of the hunter,

like a bird from the snare of the fowler.” –Proverbs 6:2-5.

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The essence is this. If we’ve said something or done something that we know is wrong, we shouldn’t delay putting it right. No matter what it costs, we need to go to the person or people affected and do what we can to put it right. We might feel like fools but paradoxically we’ll gain a lot of credibility and respect from admitting our mistake and seeking to make amends. Many people will forgive and be inclined to give a person who does this sort of thing a second chance.

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2. Work hard to establish a good reputation with other stakeholders!

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If we’ve tarnished our reputation with some regrettable actions and there is one group or person who doesn’t think too highly of us, we can still work hard with other groups to establish what we don’t have with this original group. Again, the proverbs speak to us.

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“Go to the ant, you sluggard;

consider its ways and be wise!

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It has no commander,

no overseer or ruler,

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yet it stores its provisions in summer

and gathers its food at harvest.” –Proverbs 6:6-8.

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We must work hard like an ant with industry, not complaint. When we allow complaint to well up on the inside we are half gone. Working hard to establish a good reputation is all about investment for the “tomorrows” to come. Of course we won’t see the results today, so let’s not expect to. When we’re not thanked for the good things we do, it means the ‘thanks’ are coming i.e. in the future. We must be patient.

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3. Resist the temptation to talk about others!

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So we return to the first abovementioned proverb. If we speak against any person, no matter their position, we can expect it will end up working against us. We need to be disciplined in order to not betray confidences or criticise others. We can think positively about people when others choose to be critical.

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Doing the above things can only advance our standing as people of integrity that have no warrant for a bad name… “Like a fluttering sparrow or a darting swallow, an undeserved curse does not come to rest.” –Proverbs 26:2. Eventually, this is what occurs for those with integrity: any word against us works out for us. We have to believe it. It has the magic of God about it.

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All Scripture quoted is from the New International Version.

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Copyright © 2008, S. J. Wickham. All Rights Reserved Worldwide.